Monday, June 25, 2012
My MIL is an Alcoholic and It's Annoying as Hell
Pretty much in a nut-shell, my mother-in-law is an alcoholic. She's depressed, anti-social, and sick to say the least. She is selfish as most alcoholics are and she is in complete denial of how her life really is. I don't know when her alcoholism started but as far as I can tell it has been atleast 25 years or probably more. She was a horrible, HORRIBLE, mother to Josh. I don't think people really know how she was both physically and emotionally abusive toward him. Its a wonder that he didn't turn out more damaged than he all ready was.
I will give you a picture of her situation. My MIL doesn't work, hasn't since Josh and his brother were kids, she doesn't drive either. She hardly does house work, hardly gardens, hardly cooks, hardly leaves the house. I think she plays on the computer A LOT and drinks A LOT and smokes A LOT. She has two dogs that she takes care of so of course that makes her day really difficult. You know, reaching to open the sliding glass door so they can go out in the back pen takes a lot of effort. (can you tell that I'm bitter?? Yes, I am because it is hard to have affinity toward someone who has hurt someone you love so much). She is sick all the time with colds, coughing, hacking, allergies, etc. Why wouldn't she be as her immune system is shot to hell! She isn't outwardly mean but she knows what to say at certain times that is actually really hurtful. She thinks if she puts LOL at the end of a sentence that it won't come off that she's being a bitch. She is being a bitch though and she is being hurtful on purpose.
Josh and his family have been through it all with her. They've done an intervention with her (one time-over 10 years ago), she has quit drinking, started drinking again and lied about it or has been open about it, she has been hospitalized from seizures. Just a bunch of craziness and drama that most of the family members talk about but not really ever directly with her.
I got pregnant and my brother-in-laws girlfriend was also pregnant around the same time. We all agreed that if she was drinking that there just wasn't a way that she could be around our kids, especially alone. She stopped drinking and was involved in our kids lives to a certain extent. Then the tell-tale signs came back; the weird phone calls or messages, the way her voice sounds, the lack of visiting our kids, the excuses why she couldn't be somewhere, the smell of alcohol on her breath. No one would ever call her out on it though; Big Secret. Recently though she has admitted that she has beer around and Josh felt as though she can do what she wants. As long as she isn't lying about it than he doesn't really care. Just don't treat him like he's dumb.
Fast forward to this weekend. Josh calls his mom to borrow a booster seat from her for Drew. She is clearly wasted at 10:30 am. Starts to bring up how she has all this baby gear that was never used because we never brought our kids over (Yah, no kidding lady, you are a drunk and we were never invited anyways). Josh wants to lay into her but knows it's not worth it. So we go to a graduation party and in the first 5 minutes I'm warned by a friend to not let my MIL hold my kids as she is drunk and has all ready fallen on the ground. How humiliating! My brother-in-law and Josh are embarrased by her and annoyed with her. I'm shocked that my father-in-law even brought her to the event. She starts talking to me about helping her sell her baby stuff on eBay because of course I never brought the babies over and so it has never been used. I'm annoyed as hell. I hate her tone and her accusations, but why get in it with her. She's a drunk. When my MIL leaves the party, my father-in-law has to have control over her body. He holds tightly on to her arm to lead her down the drive way. It's rather pathetic.
I talked extensively to Josh about it on Saturday night, how I think the situation needs to be confronted somehow. Understandably he is afraid of losing his relationship with his dad over it and he says, what good would it do anyways. Perhaps he's right.
Then last night my brother-in-law receives Facebook messages from her. They aren't long, but there is a hint of hatefulness in there, but as usual, they are ended in LOL but we all see it for what it is. So here we all are; talking about her again last night and she is again hurting Josh and my brother-in-law again whether they would like to admit it or not. Everyone walks on egg shells around her. Her own mother will do anything to support her and couldn't bare the thought of losing her (she has all ready had one daughter die of cancer and has lost 2 husbands). Josh's dad is as much as a victim as anyone, but he is the #1 enabler but feels responsible for her. Probably easier to deal with her drunk than her being being a drunk without a drink.
For me, being a person on the outside, I want to confront. I want Josh's dad and his gram to open their eyes and see the true reality of what is going on here. She has caused immense pain in both her children, she is literally closer to death every day, for the life she lives she actually may as well be dead. She is missing out on the lives of 3 wonderful grandchildren. Her lifestyle is NOT NORMAL, SO WHY IS EVERYONE PRETENDING THAT IT IS??
I'm so frustrated by the whole thing and how everyone is around it. She is the problem, we are not! I want her to see what she has done, how she has ruined lives because of her drinking. I just want her to take some sort of responsibility and I want an acknowledgement from someone that it is time to do something about it or ties need to be cut for good. The hurt and pain, the lies and the guilt trip needs to stop. I'm annoyed as hell and I'm angry. Can you tell? LOL (See what I just did there?)
For info on Alcoholics Annonymous